Responsibilities
With a new baby seems to come a tidal wave of domestic responsibility. Some couples manage to work out a system early on, which makes each feel like they are contributing to the workload, but the most common complaint from new mothers is that their partner does not do enough to help.
Even if your relationship is very traditional (you stay at home while your partner goes out to work), other housewives will tell you the work is never done. That is why, if you are doing the house and childcare, especially if you are the only one who gets up at night, you may start to feel resentful or frustrated by lack of help and support.
For men who feel they do enough by bringing home the bacon, (and don’t understand what you are fussing about, after all childcare is easy, right?) it could be worthwhile leaving him alone for a weekend with the baby, your baby will survive), but your partner would realise how hard your job is. That isn’t to belittle what he is doing either. Don’t forget that you get to spend months on maternity leave with your baby whilst he gets two weeks paternity leave and has to return to work.
However, even a little help around the house or a couple of allocated nights where you are able to sleep will have a dramatic difference on your wellbeing. As with all relationship issues, communication is the key. If you feel overburdened, express your feelings and don’t be afraid to ask for help.
If you're facing motherhood as a single parent, your sense of responsibility will be even greater. Being a single parent can be incredibly lonely; when you're in a relationship you take so many things for granted, but suddenly you're faced with the prospect of single-handedly dealing with everything from your baby's crying to her feeding and sleeping issues. So that you have some respite, allow yourself some 'me' time at the end of the day.
This could take the form of having a long hot soak in the tub, reading a magazine or good book or watching a film you've been meaning to see for ages (a word of advice - avoid rom coms!) The positive side to being on your own is having time to yourself at the end of the day when your children have gone to bed where you get to choose what you watch or read. For more information, read our features on single parents and the single parents survival guide.
You can talk to other mums about how they're coping with the responsibilities of parenthood by visiting the Lifestyle area of the chat forum.
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Last Modified: 02/07/2007
Comments 6 6
I think the first 3 weeks of having Ruby Lily were the worst. I was a tired, anxious emotional wreck and my partner was bricking it but putting on a brave face. Tell me girls what do men do when thay cant cope? They pretend they cant handle a situation like a crying baby! We argued and resentment built up, unfortunate as i have a very sarcastic mouth on me when under pressure and boy was i! Breast feeding Ruby wasnt a doddle, she lost weight 2 weeks concurrently until i broke down in the third week and gave her formula. She is now a happy 2 month old pudding and me and my partner try (not always succeeding) to talk through problems. My point is i think is you should try and forgive each other and remember initially why you had that baby in the first place, because you love each other. (Sorry if i sound smug, we arent a perfect couple by far)
hi having probs with partner. it feels like im being taken for granted, we hadnt been together long before i got pregnant, but had known him for quit some time before, anyway, we are from different cities and as soon as we found out, and after a lot of uming and ahing, i decided to move to be with him, i dont know the area and i have absaloutly no friends, ive had probs in the past with anxiety attacks and they seem to have taken grip again. despite talking to him about how i feel he just shrugs it off or makes out he hears me then fogets about it, i have spoken ti him countless times. we're also having terrible finachial probs and he's some how able to afford his hobbies but not mine, i feel like im the one making all the sacrifces and that i just dont matter. its frustrateing because he forgets i had plans for my future before this happened and they have been completely scuppered. dont get me wrong i love my baby more than anything in no way do i resent her its just my partner is starting to drive me mad.
Hi there! You genuinely have my sympathy. My mother was a prolific alcoholic and no mater how we begged and pleaded she quite simply couldn't stop. I have no doubt at all that your partner loves you and will dearly love your baby but he needs to get on a programme NOW. If it's as bad as it sounds either he needs to get off the drink or you will have to do this without him. i grew up as a small child in a family home with an alcoholic parent and let me say it ain't nice. Tell me to mind my own business by all means but i wouldn't stay if he won't get the help he needs now.
If you like, you can message me and I can tell you a bit more about it without it being in the chat group. It's just a bit too personal and painful for everyone to read. I'm concerned for you.
hi
i am new on here- but i do agree with shorty75 i too grew up with an alcoholic mother and she wasn't strong enough to get through it
Some people are strong enough to battle it and some people can't i think it also depends on the lenth of time they are dependant on it and the reason why they drink.
I wish you all the best mum2bgina1 hope you can get through it together.
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